Tips for When You Jump into the Deep
by Forgotten Sunrise
Summary: The road to insanity is a very long and narrow one, my friend. It takes time, dedication and steadfastness to get there. Not everyone will make it with there wits about them." AF/MP AF/OC PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! I'll give you a cookie!
1. Homecoming part I

By: Forgotten Sunrise

Tips for When You Jump into the Deep

**AN: I started this project off to be a series of a hundred or so drabbles about life a Saint Bartley's , but it looks like this is going to more of a series of vignettes instead…Well, I guess it will just be another adventure eh? This may just end up having a point….**

**Disclaimer:** You all know who and what I own and who and what I wished I owned.

* * *

_So far away, I don't want to stay._

_Get me outta here, now._

_I just want to be free, is there a possibility?_

_Get me out of here right now!_

_This life like a dream ain't for me._

_**-Greenday Homecoming**_

_C'era una volta ..._

**Chapter 1: Homecoming part I**

The muted scenery of Wicklow country passed the classic Bentley by, seamlessly, smoothly. His eyes were glued to the window, yet they were unfocused, for his picturesque mind lay else where. So much had happened since he last been on that very road; the road that seemed to lead straight the gates of hell. Saint Bartleby's school for Young Gentlemen. The words felt so gross in his mouth that he felt like he might vomit if he kept using it. Metaphorically speaking of course, because to actually vomit would be absurd, one, and also quite embarrassing. But he longed with his whole mind and body to be elsewhere. More specifically, the south of France.

Coming back form his three year 'de Tour'(as he and Minerva had took to calling it), the two became quite close. More than close. The summer of his homecoming had been his best yet; atop of the rolling hills of the French Rivera, in the brilliant Mediterranean sun, he shared his first kiss with that gifted woman. So _powerful_, it had been! She had taken him over with so much raw force; he had no choice but to sub-come to her will. Not that his hormones minded in the slightest. It was just the type of interaction his body had been longing for. The feel of her slight curves atop of him...

But that was a week ago, a life time almost, as the memory had already seemed distant and faded. Here, in the present, he sat in the back of the Continental Flying Spur, blazing down the long stretch of highway to his own personal hell. Gone for three years and his parents _still_ sent him to that wretched school. Saying something or other about personal insurance that their son wouldn't disappear on them again. It was all rather ridiculous, really, but he dared not argue with them and their wants. Not after what he had put them through. He would just have to deal with it, again.

Butler tried to talk to him. He chuckled inwardly; the poor girl couldn't go a day without speaking, even if her blue diamond depended on it. He was nice enough to give her automated answers though. At least he hadn't completely disregarded her presences. Butler…it was so odd to refer to the once glittery eyed, wrestle mania crazed Juliet as 'Butler'. Madam Ko advised against their pairing, but Artemis would have it no other way. He refused to spend time retraining another on all his secrets. Juliet would do him just fine.

It wasn't long before the jail block structure of the school loomed over head, and Butler pulled over just beyond the gates.

"Alrighty then," She peeped, as she unbuckled her seat belt and turned to look at her back seat passenger. Her long blonde hair pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck with a single braid trailing down her back. A jade ring was, of courser, expertly tied to the end. She was, after all, the Jade Princess. "Do you have your schedule?"

Artemis raised a pale brow.

"Yes, however that question is hardly relevant, seeing that you, as well, have a copy, and I know for a fact that we both have the blasted thing memorized." English Ligature, Organic Chemistry, Three-dimensional Physics, Lit Philosophy and Badminton. His classes were jokes! And it had been an up hill battle to get the pathetic load of 'Highly achieving academic courses' he had! Anyone competent enough to read could easily pass them with high marks. He didn't know what was going to be worst- the idiotic teachers or his rash peers. One the bright side, the headmaster had allowed Butler to stay on campus. So that was a plus…

"Yahuh, well did you remember to bring your packed lunch? What about Teddy? You know he gets lonely Arty…" Butler said in a mock motherly voice.

Artemis just sighed quite audibly and stared at her. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to ask her to stay…

"Oi, c'mon Artemis, loosen up a bit eh? This is you're last year- you'll never have to put up with another homecoming to this place ever again." She said as she went to open the truck of the car to pull out the luggage. He gave her one more glare before he picked up one of the many bags that the car held. After all, his mother had taught him better than to let a woman do all the work, even if it was her job to do. Juliet gave him a quizzical stare.

"You do know that you don't have to help me unload. Moving your things is part of the job description…"

Artemis just shrugged his shoulders and continued to pick up the pink Coach tote that was Butler's.

"This way is much more practical. The better we optimize our time, the soon I can get away from these idiotic, so called 'scholars'.

As they made there way to his dorm, some of the schools ASB member took to hang up a sign above the breezeway to the main building. 'Welcome Back Home! Happy Homecoming!' Home. Ha! What a joke.

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**AN: So I've decide as to how I'm going to go about things with this story, and I hope you all end up enjoying it! Sorry I didn't get a beta to read this first, but I'm just so eager to get out as much as I can before the new book is released! (Less than 24 hours zomg!) So excited!! Reviews of your thoughts, likes and dislike are much appreciated. **

**F.S**


	2. Repay

Tips for When you Jump Into the Deep

By Forgotten Sunrise

**AN: I'm sorry about the first chapter. I just wanted to get everything out BEFORE the new book TTP (Which was amazing, but defiantly can't be Eoin Colfer last because they're too many loose ends) and I promise to go back and fix them all. I promise. As of now, between looking at the plot line I've laid out and the drawing I've made, I think this is going to turn into a long time project for those of you that care. So if anyone would like to beta this story, please, just send me a line and talk to me. It would be much appreciated . Now, on with the show!**

* * *

_I could never get  
out from underneath this debt  
the debt of kicking my broken soul  
and breathing the life into me  
I couldn't walk enough miles  
I couldn't rope enough sky to give you_

_-__** Yellow Hammers**__ I Could Never Repay Baby _

Chapter 2: Repay

Whenever Juliet stepped out of the dorm, she would have to cross her hands neatly and placed them in her lap or behind her back. It was all she could do to keep herself from bashing the nearest boy's face in with her petite, but fatally strong fist. All the men gawked at her openly in the wide corridors, save Artemis and_ most_ of male staff. She was beginning to wonder why she ever bothered tagging along with Arty. Being the Jade Princess was the best thing that had happened in her life yet. But she missed Dom and the Fowl clan terribly during her leave in America. When Artemis had asked her to be his new 'personal assistant', she had agreed without a moment's hesitation, leaving her own personal dreams behind the great Atlantic ocean.

So now, here she was. Stuck in south of nowhere Country Wicklow, surrounded by a swarm of hormonal young men. It could be much worst; she had to keep reminding herself of that. Since Artemis's roommate, the infamous Roger P. Douglas, had failed to show up for orientation week (He said it was because he had to spend extra time in counseling, but Artemis and Juliet knew better than that), Juliet was able to spend that week with Artemis in his dorm, which was just fine by the both of them. Juliet was much more comfortable having Artemis near her, even though the possibility of something absolutely horrific happening there was slim to none. Womanly instinct, she supposed.

Currently, Juliet busied herself by unpacking the last of Artemis's items and ironing all twenty of his three pieces school uniforms. This was a little over the top for her; there was only seven days in a weeks (and he only had classes for four), and Artemis washed his cloths daily. But being over prepared made him content. You never know when your roommate might decide to 'borrow' a few of your uniforms for his own personal use, he had explained. She had just finished ironing the last of his suits when the dorm door cracked quietly open and shut again.

"How'd your Chemistry orientation go for ya?" she asked as happily as she could, as she hung his week suit over his loafers in the closet.

He sat his newest school book down with the rest on the bedside table.

"The curriculum is elementary, these _textbooks _are primary! I can't really call this a textbook, it more like a picture book, like the one Beckett and Myles uses to colour in." he grumbled. Juliet picked up the textbook and thumbed through it. The only pictures she saw were complicated semantics used to help better explain an even more complex concept. There was a pretty picture of a lily floating on top of a pool of water for the cover though.

"Yup, pretty primary for your average run-of-the-mill super genius."

Artemis shrugged and slipped into his comfy leather chair.

"This is pretty basic science Butler, I assure you. No one will have a hard time getting good marks with a professor as idiotic as ours. But that's a little matter. Have you seen the paper today?" When Juliet shook her head, Artemis pulled the cover page off the Wicklow Courier, and handed it over to her to read. She scanned it quickly.

"Oh gods!" she gasped. "Poor girls…well at least no one was hurt. I guess they will have to go for a while without a school to go to. I guess an extended summer holiday isn't too bad though…"

Artemis shook his head and stood up to go to his computer desk.

"Holy Names is our sister school, Butler. I haven't a doubt that Principal Guiney, will extended an olive branch to them and offer the girls a place to stay. Here." He opened a search browser and began to type feverously.

"Well, I don't think it would be too bad," Juliet commented airily. "You guys probably won't have mixed classes if that's what you're worried about."

He pulled up the Holy Names' school file on a student named Xia Perry. Little information was listed other than her name, age and current school I.D picture taken a few days prior.

"I'm more so worried about space. Both of our schools are small, but that still doesn't change the fact that it's going to take at least two halls to house them all…"

Juliet nodded once. She knew what he was saying.

_I don't want to share anymore than what's possible._

"I can stay with you guys," She offered, knowing that if she kept her word, she would live to regret them. "That way, you wouldn't have to dorm with someone you may not like. And who's that?" she asked, pointing the wide, almond eyed, smiling girl that was pictured on his screen.

He gave the picture a quick look before closing the browser and facing Juliet.

"That would be Miss Perry, an aquatint of mine. She would also be Roger's estranged cousin."

"She's very pretty!" Butler commented with a wide smile on her face. "You have the hots for her or something?"

Artemis stared at her blankly for a few moments before replying.

"She's Roger's cousin one, and two, she has this _quality_ about her. It can be very odd at time. I prefer to stay away from her."

He chose to say no more on the subject of Xia Perry. The very thought of her and their last meeting brought back all the eerie openness she had skillfully hammered out of him. He felt indebted to her, as if she was apart of the recent change in his demeanor. The thought made him shutter. Xia indeed, was his biggest problem.

Juliet rolled her eyes, but patted Artemis on his shoulder.

"You'll soon learn, my dear charge, that most women will have that sort of effect on you. It's called a _crush_. So get use to it." She said as she turned away. Artemis shook his head. If only Butler knew the half of the situation at hand, she'd know that this was not a crush at all.

* * *

The early evening dinning hall was packed with every single member of the Saint Bartleby community. Even Roger Douglas was present; skillfully arriving at the main gates just five minutes before the last class orientation ended. Artemis and Juliet along with Roger sat towards the back of the hall, a long with two of Roger's oldest mates, David Johnson and Nathan Smith.

"Roger!" Nathan welcomed his friend in with a punch on the shoulder. "Where've you been? You missed all of orientation."

Roger shrugged nonchalantly before taking a seat between Artemis and Juliet.

"Rehab and counseling held me up in Manchester. The doctors swear that I'm bipolar or something and think that I need to be on suicide watch! I'm not mentally disabled…Yet."

Artemis rolled his eyes. Although it was true that Roger was sent to rehab and counseling for the summer, he was released three days into his program. All the doctors agreed that it was most likely bouts with ADHD paired with extreme leniency form his parents that made Roger rash, not being bipolar.

"I trusted you've head all about what happened at Holy Names? Has Xia told you any news?"

It was the topic the whole school was talking about.

"Only that the main school building and most of the dorms were burnt down to the very last splinter! She took a video of it with her phone. You've gotta see the footage, absolutely amazing! Very good quality for a camera phone too I might add."

Nathan and David cheered at the idea of seeing the building engulfed in flames, but Artemis couldn't suppress a roll of the eyes. Typical, pyromaniac behaviour. He was about to unveil to them what that fire meant for them, but Mr. Guiney cleared his throat and called order to the dinning hall.

"As I'm sure all of you have heard by now, our sister school, Holy Names, had the terrible misfortune of having nearly their entire campus burn down on Wednesday. Most fortunately, none of the girls were hurt, as I'm sure you all are happy to hear, but their school is a complete loss." Guiney paused for a moment to let this sink into his boys. The more quick witted ones realized the gravity of the situation almost immediately and groaned loudly, placing their heads in their hands. However, most of the student body didn't get it and waited patiently for their headmaster to continue.

"Back in 1953, as I'm sure you all know, when our school had flooded, the women of Holy Names opened there doors and allowed us refuge until we were able to repair and move back into our home. The time has come, now, for us to repay them."

There wasn't a single boy left in that room that didn't understand what their principle was getting at, and the hall soon erupted into one loud roar of chaos.

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**AN: Okay, If you don't know who Xia Perry is or Roger Douglas, you can read about those two and their relations to Artemis in "First Impressions" and "Worth More Than Diamonds' (Which are due for an edit….) Let me know what you all think about this chappy, ( I know, this one is bland, but its building up for the next one!) and I promise to post soon!**

**F.S**


	3. Refuge

Tips For When you Jump into the Deep

By Forgotten Sunrise

**A****N: Now I'm sorry for the short chappies, but, hey, at least they're coming.**

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_Don't step on this ground  
I don't want to lose an inch of my freedom  
I'll lose my soul if you steal my refuge  
Leave my cloud and stay away  
this is my refuge  
play your dirty tricks, my friend  
but__ leave my refuge_

_**-P.Wanger Refuge**_

Chapter 3: Refuge

A few of the guys were indifferent to the whole situation. Some of the guys, most notably Nathan Smith, were completely elated by the idea. But the majority of the boys were petrified. Girls. Girls roaming the halls of _their_ school. _Their_ safe haven. Having one or two of them visit time to time was reasonable, but to have them _stay_ there? Had Principal Guiney lost his mind? When the boys had to stay at Holy Names back in 1953, times had been different. It was okay. But surely not so in this new millennia. Saint Bartleby's was their save refuge from the cold realities of life. Behind the iron, keypad locked gates, the boys were save from nagging girlfriends; they really only had to put up with them for three days out of the week! But now that they were coming to stay, they would have to deal with them all week long. The thought of their squeals and gossip was enough to make some of the younger boys go prematurely grey. And space; the boys were spoiled when it came to space. Saint Bartleby had three hundred and seven students and only 298 took up residents. Though the rooms were designed to house up to four, there was never a need to house more than two. If Holy Names sent over all 352 girls, then the boys would have to sacrifice their spacious rooms for the girls comfort. It just wasn't fair.

For Artemis, however, his concern ran far deeper than the superficial notion of personal space and nagging women. Four years ago, Xia Perry became a tenant in his brain. She mystified him. That was the best way to describe what she did to his brain every time she was around. And the worst part was the fact that Artemis couldn't point out exactly what it was that she did that made him so, so _terrified_ of her. At first he believed that it had to be her intelligence. She was the first human that he deemed to be just as capable as him. Then he speculated that it might be her placid nature. She seemed so docile it was almost spooky. But he knew better than to think that for too long. Being meek, he concluded, was an act she put on for others. One look into her deep, oak eyes told him that she was a fiery, independent, wild, force not to be reckoned with. He really didn't know what to think of Xia. All he knew was that he couldn't afford to think of her, because when he did, his head seem to cloud up, and seeing her again wouldn't help.

"Now," Guiney continued. "I recently talked to their student body president, Miss Perry. She has informed me that all primary students will be sent to smaller, more localized school. She also told me that Saint Mary's has also opened their doors in light of this horrid event and two-thirds of the girls will be going there. Only 32 girls will be coming to stay at Saint Bartleby's, so only the boys staying in Oliver hall will have to bunk up."

All the boys, except for the ones in Oliver hall cheered. At least most of their personal space had been salvaged. But Artemis felt a pitfall in his stomach. Principle Guiney words only confirmed Xia's return to him, for he was sure she'd be one of the 32.

"Now that that is settled, my final order of business for today will be to announce this year's class Governor." Guiney waved an envelope to the crowd before he opened it and took a look at the folded piece of paper.

"Gentlemen, will you please join me in welcoming in our new student Governor, Roger Douglas!"

The hall erupted into applause and cheers. Of course Roger had won the position of Student Governor. He was the most popular boy at school, and everybody knows that a school election is just another term for popularity contest.

Roger jumped from his seat, and made his victory lap around the dinning hall before he made his way up to Principle Guiney, and engulfed him in a bear hug.

"I just want to thank everyone that made this happen for me!" Roger began with mock gratitude.

"You do realize a speech isn't required-" Principle Guiney started, but Roger pressed on.

"Me Mom and Pops, all the fine young gents out there that believed enough in me to vote, my best mate Arty back there for being his snide self and not voting at all last year, his lovely lady friend for being so beautiful-I really must get you name and-"

"Mr. Douglas please-"

"Right, I got this one, Guiney." Roger said to dismiss his principle.

"I, as your class Governor, look forward to working closely with you all, along side with my cousin, Xia, and her girly friends, to make this the best year any of us have had!"

His peers jumped and applauded and cheered once more. All his peers that is, but Artemis. He was happy for his friend's victory, but he couldn't shake the uneasiness he felt knowing that Xia would, once again take harbor in his life whether or not he wanted her too.

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**AN: Yah, I think this was the shortest chapter I've ever written. It was a little less than 900 words, but it's about quality not quantity right? So let me know how the quality was **

**F.S**

**Now for a Sneak preview of the next chapter:**

"**Arty and Minnie sitting in a tree," Roger began to sing in a mocking tone. "K.I.S.S.I.N.G! First comes lust, then comes love, then comes some kiddies in a baby carriage!"**

**Artemis turned to raise a pale brow at his roommate. He didn't even realize that he had come back already.**

"**How long were you there?"**

"**Pretty much for the entire conversation." He said nonchalantly, but flashed him a wicked smile…**


	4. Second Impressions

Tips For When You Jump into the Deep

By: Forgotten Sunrise

**AN: Thank you so much to xXJayjayXx, Kaity-lynn and ilex-ferox for reviewing! They've been both helpful and encouraging p. I hope you like this cahppie here, It's a lot longer than the rest. Six printed pages! New record for this chapter p R&R**

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_When will I see you again?  
When will our hearts beat together?  
Are we in love or just friends?  
Is this my beginning or is this the end?  
When will I see you again?_

_-Three Degrees, When Will I see you Again_

**Chapter 4**: Second Impressions

The weekend went by far too fast for Artemis. Though, then again, there was nothing in the world that could have extended the weekend long enough for Artemis. There was nothing in the world that could prepare him for the silent battle he was about to fight once more. The first time he and Xia had crossed paths, he had been caught completely off guard by her forwardness, by meek manner, her intelligence and her beauty. Not this time though. He'd make sure that Xia wouldn't find a way to cut him open again.

On the eve of school's start, Roger helped Juliet move her things to her room near by, leaving Artemis to his own devices. Just the way he liked it. He laid in his bed, reading the latest online version of the UW medical review, when his mobile rang. He quickly checked the I.D. For a fraction of a second, he thought it might be Xia. But she never called. He gave a half smile as he saw the number and quickly slid is cell open.  
"Bonsoir mon cher Minerva."

"And a good evening to you as well Artemis."

"To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"Oh, nothing I can think of as of yet. To be honest, I was just thinking about our time on the Riviera... That day seems like it was an eternity ago."

"Indeed. But, it was an enlightening day, I would say. For the both of us."

"We need to discus how to move forward with…well…"

It was a situation in which neither of them had much experience and Minerva found herself stumbling as she tried to string her thoughts into words.

"Our relationship? Of course we do. However, I believe this conversation would be better held in person."

"Normally I would agree but, I didn't know when I would see you again."

"I believe that we have a visitor day set up for the twenty-third this month. Would you be able to come visit then?"

There was silence for a moment as she checked her calendar

"I don't see why not. So I shall talk to you then about…Us. Au revoir."

"Good night." Artemis said then ended the call with a sigh. Truth be told, he liked Minerva, but he really didn't want a girlfriend at the moment. He desperately hoped that she felt the same. Artemis was about to go back to his reading, when a familiar voice interrupted.

"Arty and Minnie sitting in a tree," Roger began to sing in a mocking tone. "K.I.S.S.I.N.G! First comes lust, then comes love, then comes some kiddies in a baby carriage!"

Artemis turned to raise a pale brow at his roommate. He didn't even realize that he had come back already.

"How long were you there?"

"Pretty much for the entire conversation." He said nonchalantly, but flashed him a wicked smile "The twenty-third would be the perfect day for her to come BTW. Me and Xia still have to work some things out, but that's when we're going to have Homecoming formal!"

Artemis narrowed his eyes at Roger's use of chat speech mixed into general conversation. Absolutely dreadful!

"Would it hurt you to say 'By the way,'? And I'm not going to Homecoming formal. I never do."

Roger huffed a laugh and shook his head before going to pick up the last of Juliet's bags.

"If that's what you think mate, if that's what you think."

* * *

The sun came through the window pane and hit Artemis's face like fire blast from hell. He did not wish to wake, but fate had different plans. He turned over and placed the pillow over his head to block the vicious rays of the sun, but he couldn't block out Roger singing.

"Jeal-ous-y, turning saints in-to the sea, Swim-ing through sick lull-a-bies, Chok-ing on you ali-bis, But it's just the price I pay, Des-tin-y is call-ing me, O-pen up my eager eyes ay ays, I'm Mr. Brightside!"

"What has you in such a grand mood this morning?" Artemis asked grudgingly as he swung his legs over the side of the bed to get up.

"It's the last first day of school!" Roger proclaimed happily as he loosely tied his tie around his neck. "After this year well never have to come back here again!"

"I suppose that's a legitimate reason to be happy," He said as he picked up the cloths Butler had left out for him to wear and then disappeared into the bathroom to take a nice, warm shower. When he emerged some fifteen minutes later, he was surprise to fine a note from Roger on his pillow, which read:

Left to pick Juliet up- Wish me luck! )  
-R.P.D

Poor Butler, was all Artemis could think. Roger had set his sights on her, and now he would stop at nothing until he had her heart in his collection of broken promises, or found another girl to chase. He threw the note away, making a mental note to have a chat to Roger about leaving his Butler be, grabbed his coat and opened the door. He immediately wished he hadn't once he saw who was standing in the threshold, prepare to knock on the door. Of all the people who could have been on the other-side of the door, it would have to be Xia Perry. No matter though, he would just say hi politely to her then excuse himself by saying he was in a rush for a meeting.

"Oh Artemis! I knew you were back from your…hiatus, but I didn't expect to see you!" Xia said in her melodic voice as she wrapped her arms around him for a tight hug.

Oh crap, He thought. He had forgotten just how wonderful her voice sounded. How gorgeous her eyes were. How intoxicating her smell was...Oh gods, he thought. I can't breath.

"Xia…I can't breath…" he managed to sputter out using the last bit of breathe she wasn't able to squeeze out of him.

"Oh! Sorry Artemis, I'm just so…overwhelmed? Dear heavens, Artemis Fowl! What in God's name are you doing here?" she asked accusingly as if he had just done something horribly wrong.

"Mother much rather me stay here, where she knows I can't get into too much trouble." He mental kicked himself. He was insighting general conversation with the girl when he had meant to brush her off.

"Ah, well, your time would be much better spent catching up with your family I think. I heard you have two little brothers now! Well I hate to cut this short, but I have an early meeting to run off to. I had come for Roger, but it looks like he's gone…I'm s'pose to be in a meeting with Mrs. Swan right now, because she's freaking out, if you care to believe _that_, then I must talk to Guiney about some last minute schedule changes for us girls. I'm so glad it's only the seniors I have to worry about here, this morning is about to be hell! I'll catch up with you later Artemis. Ciao!" And then Xia left. With a spin of her heels, she was gone down the corridor and headed off the Principle Guiney's office.

She had dismissed him. She didn't even give him a chance to say 'bye'. He briefly wondered why he was bothered by that, if that's exactly what he wanted.

* * *

Artemis had arrived to the dinning hall just a few minutes before Roger and Butler finished their meal. Like always, Nathan and David were seated with them, and a new girl, with short Caribbean blue hair, was there as well. She had latched herself to David's arm like a barnacle.

"Wow Fowl, you actually showed up!" David said with surprise.

"Yah, normally if you're not here before us, you don't show up at all…" Nathan said as he stuffed the last bit of toast and eggs he had in his mouth.

"Yes, well, a lot of us aren't acting normal this morning. Back-to-school jitters perhaps?" Artemis said as he shot a quick, callous, glance at Roger, who wasn't too slow to miss it.

"I see you found the cloths and book bag I left out for you," Butler said, scooting over so that Artemis could sit between her and Roger. "Did you see the lunch box and Teddy too?"

"You're over doing yourself Butler, it was completely unnecessary. But yes I did see them. Thank you."

Juliet smiled brightly.  
"I remember when you started kindergarten, you didn't want the lunch box or Teddy back then either. Pity, pity…Something's never change. Well if you're not going to need me, I'm going to head up to my room now. There's this special on TaiPei boxing starting in an hour and I don't want to miss it. I'll see you guys later! Have a good first day! And it was nice meeting you Maféia." Juliet added as she waved good bye to the table.

"TTYL, my Juliet. I'll be seeing you after classes' right?" Butler just laughed and gave him a quick hug.

"We'll see, we'll see." And with that, she gracefully turned away and headed for her room.

"I think we should leave too," said the girl named Maféia to David. Her accent was a thick blend of French and German. Though, soft as it was, it was a voice that definitely got people's attention, much like Xia's. "I really want to see who is in my first block. Come now, David." She said as she stood up.

"Yah good idea Faye. You coming Nathan?" David asked.

"Yah, Xia is s'pose to be in the same first period as I am!"

Maféia smiled warmly at Nathan. Apparently, everyone knew exactly how much Nathan liked Xia. And who could blame him?

"Alright Faye, David, Nate, we'll see you in first period then."  
Maféia gave Roger a warm smile, before her eyes landed on Artemis and then she gave him the coldest, most callous look a girl with bobbed blue hair and baby pale skin could muster. Artemis, in turn, gave her his classic pointed stare.

"Goodbye, Roger!" she said lightly after her intensive stare down with Artemis, then disappeared into the crowed of students along with David and Nathan.  
When the group had gone away out of ear shot, Roger turned his focus back to Artemis, his face somewhat grim.

"What on earth did you do to leave such a bad impression on Faye?"

* * *

**AN: Hoped you liked that! Reviews would be dearly appreciated **

**F.S**

**Next time….**

"**Roger…Don't you dare put that sodium rock in that bucket."**

"**Why? It's just water? What bad could it do?" He asked as he dropped the tiny rock into the bucket of water. It started to fizz almost instantly. "Uh-oh…"**


	5. Sodium and aqueous Chlorine

Tips For When You Jump into the Deep

By Forgotten Sunrise

**AN: **Hey you all! This took a little long than I had hoped to post. A mixture of work, registering for school and personal issue stood in the way, but I beat them back! I'd like to also take this time to say that 95 of the chemistry facts used are true (the other 5 I tweaked just a tad bit so that they'd better work with the story.) Being the responsible adult that I now am, I have to tell you **DO NOT EVER MIX ALIKLINES WITH WATER!! **(alikines are metals like calicum and sodium) I've done this a few times in a lab setting myself and trust me- you can easily blow a limb or two off if you don't know what you're doing…Don't believe me? You-Tube it. That said, Let Chapter 5 begin!

_All that glitters may not be gold, but at least it contains free electrons._

_John Desmond Baernal (Irish physicist, 1901-1971)_

**Chapter 5:** Sodium and aqueous Chlorine

Roger and Artemis soon made their way to the main building for the first class of the day, organic chemistry. There was still six minutes before class even started, but already everyone seemed to be there. The class looked much bigger than in years past; there were sixteen people, five of which were female. Of course, Xia would have to be one of them. Maféia would be another one of them.

The two girls were engrossed in what seemed to be a deep conversation when the boy walked in. Xia flashed the pair a dazzling smile, and then continued her conversation, without missing a heartbeat. Maféia only turned around for a moments notice, instantly turning around with a snarl on her face when she saw Artemis.

"Really Artemis, what on earth did you do to her?"

"I've never met the girl before today. Honestly though, I don't really care if she doesn't like me. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Well, maybe Xia can put in a good word for you…They're best friends you know."

"Best friends? Really now…" Artemis muttered as he took a seat toward the back of class, near the lab.

"Yup, yup. Maféia has known Xia longer than I have! Their father's were 'partners' see…"

Artemis raised a pale brow. Wasn't Xia adopted? She had said that she didn't know either of her parents. He was about to press Roger to tell him more, but the start bell for class cut him off and Mrs. Burner, clad with tide-dye goggles and a pink and yellow poka-dotted lab coat, stepped up to the front of the class.

"G'morning students! It's so wonderful to see all of your bright faces today! Welcome to O Chem!" Burner said a little too happily. "Now, most of you I know from last year, from either Marine Bio or Generic Chem, but some of you, I have yet to meet, and I look forward to getting to know you all, and becoming apart, if not only a small part, of your life's." She smiled brightly at each of her students. Some of the students gave her a boring stare. A lot of the students however recoiled some in their seat. Mrs. Burner was one of those teachers who felt the need to know _everything _about _everyone_.

"Now, seeing that today is our first day back, I want to do something both exciting and that would warm up those brains! So why not start off with a lab on reactions! I want you to partner up and head to any lab station besides s5 or s7. Each station consisted of three or more elements. I want each group to come up with a balanced equation and to tell me one, what kind of reaction takes place, and two, what is made from the reaction. After you have done that, you may_ carefully _try to get your elements to react. Some of the stations are more dangerous than others, so please,_ please _be carefully alright dearies? At the end, I want each group to write up a lab report telling me about your elements and reaction. That will be due on Wednesday."

The whole classed moaned. First day back and they had to already write a lab report! This was no way to start off their senior year! Artemis gathered his Notebook and started to make his way back to the lab with Roger, but was called back my Mrs. Burner before he could do so.

"Master Fowl? Miss Perry? May I see you two darlings for a sec?" She asked. Artemis sighed and laid his laptop back down on his desk. Xia did the same as well, and gracefully made her way through the maze of desk and to Mrs. Burner's side.

"Now, I know you two are more advanced than the rest of our students here, so I wanted to give you and your partners something a little harder to work on, but way cooler to experiment with. Master Fowl, I'm assuming that you're going to work with Master Douglas, so I want you two to go to s7 to work with sodium, chlorine, and water. Miss Perry, I want you and Miss Britva to go to s5 to work with magnesium nitrogen and oxygen. Those elements should give you guys plenty of fun! Good luck!" Mrs. Burner saluted, and then went off to go make rounds to help the other students of the class.

"Sodium, chlorine, and water? Carefully now Artemis…" Xia warned mockingly, but with a warm smile on her face.

"Now, now, Xia, magnesium and air isn't such a friendly reaction either. I must too, warn you to be carefully." Artemis said with the faintest of smirks on his face. Xia matched his smirk with a sly grin of her own. Oh no, he was making genarl converstion with her again!

"Yah, well, at least I don't have Roger on my team."

Artemis's small smirk vanished and was replaced by a slight frown.

"You're right."

* * *

Balancing the equation and determining what would be created in the in the reaction took mere seconds for Artemis. Explaining what was going on to Roger, however, took much, much longer.

"Oh, so it makes a base! And that's why you can use it in hair products! Because it's a base! It's safe for you."

"No Roger, Lye is an alkaline compound, and furthermore, lye is horrible for the hair; it rips it apart. It's an acid."

Roger stared down at Artemis's Tablet Notebook, and looked at the equation that Artemis had wrote down for nearly a minute.

"Okay, but how can it be a base _and_ an acid Artemis? Bases and acids are opposites and all alkalines are bases. _You_ told me that buddy."

"Alright. One, I'm not your buddy. Never say that again or I will have Butler hurt you. And I don't mean Juliet. Two: that not what I said. What I said was, 'all bases are alkalines'. Now, I do see where your confusion might have come in. Most people use the term alkaline and base interchangeable because those two are not mutually excusive unlike base and acid. However, bases, like what you hinted on earlier, refers to a compounds pH number, whereas alkaline refers to a compounds structure. All bases have an alkaline molecular structure, but not all alkaline structures are bases."

"Oh. Whatever mate. How do we mix's the two?"

Artemis sighed. It was always the bottom line for Roger when it came to sicence.

"Well that part is quite simple. Really, we have the easiest one to mix. You see, the extra electron in the sodium acts as our catalyst, so all we really need to do is drop the sodium rock in the aqueous solution of chlorine."

"Just, drop it in? That's it? No stirring, no heating, just…put the rock in the water?"

"Yes, that's it."

Roger face lit up as he tossed the sodium rock in his hand.

"Sweet deal man! This is going to be so easy…" Roger went on, but Artemis stopped listing. He got up and grabbed his sky blue lab coat and goggles out form the lab closet. He didn't want to dye his lab equipment, but Mrs. Burner last year had told him that if he didn't do it himself, she would do it for him. And only God knows what she would have done.

As he walked back to s7, he took a quick look at Xia and Maféia. They had already begun their reaction and were currently waiting for their metal to erupt into a ball of colorful flames. Maféia's short, pale, silvery blue hair fell into her face as she bent down to up the gas flow to their burner. Mrs. Burner had said her last name was Britva. Why did that name sound so familiar? And why was that name bothering him?

He then made a pass at Xia. She moved the coiled magnesium around the crucible with tongs, using the most delicate of movements. Her rich brown hair was pulled up to the right side of her head and out of the way. Her eyes, though hidden behind Mrs. Burner's thick pink goggles, were troubled, her lips pouting. Xia looked almost…sad. Artemis couldn't imagine Xia being sad. What had been said that made her feel sad? He had to stop himself right there. What did it matter to him if she felt sad anyways?

He shook his head slightly and slipped the goggles and lab coat on. _Focus on the task at hand_, he reminded himself. _Even if it the easiest thing you've ever done…_

"Okay," Artemis started as he made his way back to s7, but stopped as soon as he saw Roger, who had just finished pouring chlorine into a beaker of water and now was hovering a sodium rock over it.

"Roger, what on earth do you think you doing!" Artemis hissed, instantly becoming tense.

"Performing the experiment." Roger said casually as he poured more water into the beaker.

"Roger…Don't you dare put that sodium rock in that beaker."  
"Why? It's just water. Basically… What bad could it do?" He asked as he dropped the tiny rock into the beaker of water. It started to fizz almost instantly.

"Uh-oh…Wow, is it s'pose to fizz like that?"

Steam started to rise from the beaker as if it was a tea kettle, and the watery solution inside started to boil. The reaction had started and would come to its climax in matter of moments. There wasn't time to move it to the fume hood, and even if they tried, the movement might spur up the reaction even more…

Then he looked towards s5. Orange flames licked the air around the crucible the magnesium laid in. If even a drop of their lye landed on their magnesium flames…

"Xia, Maféia, move! Get away from the magnesium!" Artemis yelled over to them. The girls gave him a puzzling look, but then they caught sight of the bubbling concoction that was about to blow over. By now, Mrs. Burner had caught sight of what was about to happen as well and was mildly excited.

"Everyone to the other side of the class room NOW!" No one hesitated to do as she commanded as the beaker setting atop of s7 started to whistle a hideous scream. The students crowed to the furthest corner of the class room and some took cover under the desks. One second past, then two, then the whistling stopped.

"Oi, don't tell me that was it! You had me run all the way over-"

Then the beaker, seemingly out of nowhere exploded with a loud boom, making glittery glass and golden lye dropplets rain all over the back of the lab. A few drop landed on the crucible that contained the now, on fire magnesium oxide. Half a second later, the small green, pink and blue fire ball of the magnesium multiplied to threading size, dancing around the back side of the room like a wild fire sprite.

"Oh, it absolutely beautiful! Well done, Master Douglas and Master Fowl! What a splendid way to show the class what happened when electrons are freed and move to a new energy level!" Mrs. Burner clapped. "Good show my boys! Though, I think this is the last time we'll ever use sodium rocks in the classroom."

* * *

The first day of school had been full of bumps and suprises. However nothing suprised Artemis more that what he was hearing now.

"Married? Married!" Artemis yelled into the tiny communicator in shock to his good elfin friend, Holly Short. Roger had gone with off with his cousin, Xia, to discuss the details of Homecoming Formal and Juliet was off showing out to the boys at the schools gym, giving Artemis time to catch up with his long time fairy friend. This news, however, was unexpected.

"Yes, married, Mud Boy," Holly said testily. "I didn't stutter, did I?"

"No, you didn't. But still, Holly, you're quite young for an elf, only 83. And what about your career? I must tell you that it doesn't look good at all for you if you were to marry your commander."

"That's what I tried to tell her!" Foaly shouted, cutting into their conversation. "But she won't listen to me Artemis. She's lost her mind. Please, tell her something, anything!"

"You can say all you want Artemis, but you're not going to change my mind. Besides, I think it's time I took a break from the L.E.P…"

"Yes, I see what you mean Foaly, she has indeed lost her mind. Holly, just try and hear me out. You can't marry Trouble, not yet. You two have only been dating for ten years, three of which you were MIA for. And _you_, go on extended leave from the L.E.P? Willingly? Holly, I don't think anyone that knows you can phantom that…"

Artemis could see her roll her multi-colored eyes on the tiny screen.

"Okay, alright already! Nothing you two say wlill change my mind, so enough about me boys. What's new up on the surface Arty? Isn't that one girl you were telling me about before there? What was her name…Ida Berry or something, right?"

Artemis rested his head in his hand for a few moments. Holly was the only person he had told about how Xia made him feel and she made him instantly regret it. Forget about Roger singing 'Arty and Minnie', Holly was singing 'Arty and Xia'.

"Xia Perry is her name, you know that Holly." The small female elf smiled brightly in his screen.

"Yeah, I know. So when are you going to ask her out? Oh! You should take her to the Homecoming Formal!"

"I'm not going to ask anyone out to the Formal, Holly. I already have plans to meet with Minerva on that day. And I'm not going to ask Xia out for any kind of date. She's intelligent and pretty, true, but that's it. I _don't _like her, Holly. She scares me and makes me feel uncomfortable. Please get that notion out of your head."

Holly rolled her eyes once more.

"Besides," He continued "even if I did like her, her supposed best friend, Maféia doesn't seem to like me much. Xia won't risk her friendship over a crush, I'm sure. And nor will I."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait a second," Foaly said, his tone becoming more serious. "Did you say Maféia? As in, Maféia _Britva_? The girl with the blue hair?"

Artemis raised a pale brow and looked into the screen at the centaur.

"Yes, Maféia Britva is her name. Are you keeping tabs on her? Why are you keeping tabs on Miss Brit-"

But then Artemis cut himself off, feeling quite stupid for not realizing who she was in the beginning.

"Artemis, you know that this isn't good new for you at all," Foaly said grimly.

"No, this can't be good news at all." Artemis agreed soberly.

* * *

**AN:** AF Trivia time!! Think you're a hard core Fowl buffs? For the first person to tell me who Britva is, I will write them an, any-length, any ship, any genre, any style, any rating, any whatever story you could want. Whatever you can imagine, I will write. Does that sound like afair deal to you? :p Review of any sort are welcome.

Much love :)

**F.S**

**Coming up…. I wonder who their talking about…**

"Oh, c'mon now, he's not too bad…."

"Not too bad? Ha! He's so bad that the first minute I get him alone, I'm going to first ring his neck, like the chicken he is. But not to the point that I break it. Oh no, no. I want him to feel the pain of when I yank every single hair out of his body by the root!"

"Well then, we must make sure you to are never left alone then…


	6. Intermission : Two Faces

Tips For When you Jump into The Deep

By Forgetten Sunrise

**AN:** Long time I know! Hehe But I moved and didn't have time to type! But I have been witting in me little pink book :) Did you guys miss me? Thanks to everyone that reviewed! You made me happy!Anywho. This here isn't a chapter, it's an Interlude which will explain what is going on and will tie the chapters together. There will be three more of these, the next one will be between the different parts (yes parts, this here is going to be a long one!) Hope you guys enjoy!

* * *

**Interlude 1:** Two Faces

She hadn't known why her father had called her into the study that day. Had she known what adventure was about to unfold before her, she would have never gone. She would have rather been eaten alive by fire ants than be forced to take up that mission. But she hadn't a clue as to what happen, so she ended up running into the very thing she should have run away from...

* * *

_..."Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" Ida half question, half demanded as she kneeled down beside Maféia, who sat in a Victorian style chair near the gothic windows of the old study. She squeezed her best friends hand tight as another onslaught of sobs rocked her body, sending rivers of tears cascading down her soft, pale cheeks. Ricardo McGossicc sat opposite of his daughter, Ida, and Maféia Britva. He, too, wore a grim mask. Ida looked defiantly at them both, willing for either one of them to speak. A long moment passed before Ricardo spoke.  
"Mi Amor, my love, do you know of the Fowls?"  
"Of course." Unknowingly the youngest Fowl had worked with her a few times on shady internet schemes. A lot of his work was quite impressive.  
"You remember hearing about how Senior Artemis Fowl escaped his imprisonment five months ago?"  
Ida stole a dutiful look at her friend. Another wave of tears shook her and Ida rubbed her forearm reassuringly.  
"Yes, of course I do."  
Ricardo nodded and took in a deep breath. Ida herself swallowed hard, trying to clear her throat of the sudden build-up of spittle.  
"Last week, Interpol had successful tagged Britva. They were planning on indicting him this Friday." Ida held on to Maféia's hand tighter as she heard the double meaning in her father's words.  
"You said were planning to, but…"  
At this Maféia cried out aloud, her entire body shook with grief. Ida immediately understood.  
If Britva was caught, all of the Russian Mafia and all of the Columbian F.A.R.K rebel group would be done for. Little black books, hard-drives, small town Mom and Pop shops…all would be raided, violated, by Interpol, CIA, CNP, FBI…All would be lost if they had caught him.  
He sacrificed himself so that their organizations could still have a pray of surviving. So that his daughter could go on living as peacefully as possible…  
Ida threw herself over her friend and wrapped her in a warm hug. She opened her mouth to say sorry, but some how it didn't seem like enough.  
"If there's anything, anything at all I can do for you-"  
"That's why Ms. Britva is here Mi Amor. There is something you can do. You see, Britva was family. By blood or marriage? No, but we supported one another. If the Fowls want to mess with one of us, then they must be ready to mess with the rest of us.  
Under normal circumstances, Ida would have rolled her eyes. Her father could be so cavalier at times. He only wished he was a cowboy. And though she dare not say, she believed that the Fowls had every right to turn Britva into Interpol. Not that she wanted them too, but, after all, he did kidnapped and almost killed the Mister.  
But this was her best friend's father. Someone who she loved, loved. Ida hadn't a choice but to bite her lip on that point.  
"What can I do?" She asked, looking back to her father and then to Maféia again.  
"Kill him!" Maféia choked out. Her voice was so rough that Ida almost jumped._  
_"It was little Artemis that did this to him, Ida! I don't know how, but I'm certain of it. Artemis gave my father two options: Kill yourself, or be killed. He knew my father would have NEVER dishonored any member of our family. And that no member of our family would risk him dishonoring them! He murdered my father Ida! He murdered him!" the girl cried. The short jet-black hair that framed her face seemed to rise with tension. Her puffy, red-rimmed blue eyes sparkled with a deep longing.  
"Maféia…"Ida stared and turned her head towards her father for support. She found none.  
"Maféia, I can't kill Artemis. Killing him won't do anything but-"  
"My father died protecting us. Us. You owe him this much at the least. You are the only one we can trust to get the job done. You're smart enough to blind-side him. Ida you must do this. For him. For me."  
There was truly no justice in the court of Maféia Everest Britva. But then again, all was fair in love and war…_

* * *

Very few people knew that Xia Perry was actually just a cover used by Ida Baxine McGossicc.  
Unlike the other F.A.R.K members, she wasn't trained in gorilla style warfare, Kyudoka or BJJ, but she was absolutely brilliant. At nine she created a photon canon that could either kill malignant cancer cells without destroying the surrounding tissues or burn a person down to just carbon. At ten, she hacked into one of Spiro's private bank accounts and stole twenty million dollars from him and then charged him five million to track it down for him. She donated that money to Children's Hospital in LA. She was something like a modern day Robin Hood at time; her ends normally justified her means. She was her father's daughter but she much more enjoyed helping people than scheming them. And unlike her father, she did have some morals.  
She would do what she had to do and she would do it well. But it was wrong. Plain and simple; it was all wrong.  
Three and a half years prior, Ida had met Artemis in person for the first time when she went to go 'visit' her older cousin on her mother's side, Roger Douglas, at school. As cold, and as unapproachable as he was, he was no murder as Maféia had claimed. He was direct, pointed and blunt with his replies, but not at all unkind and unfeeling. And Artemis was making changes too. He was going good. He didn't deserve to die. His only crime was saving his father and the life's of countless other men from a horrid faith. She was going to have trouble killing him.  
Then he was gone. Missing in action in Tie Pei, and she couldn't help but celebrated with her dearest friend, but not for the same reasons. Ida rejoiced in the fact that he was missing because that meant that somewhere, somehow, the boy had a chance at life. She rejoiced because it meant that she wouldn't have to have his blood spilled on her hands. She even thanked God once, for taking him away.  
But she had forgotten that God didn't answer to born sinners, because sooner than later, Artemis Fowl the Second made his big comeback.  
And Maféia cried for murder.  
So Ida found herself back again at Saint Bartleby's school for Young Gentlemen. This time with a team of 30 other girls en tow, positioning herself, like a lioness hiding in tuffs a cattail grass in the savanna, to prance upon her unexpecting prey.

"Could you possibly move any slower with this Ida?" Maféia asked testily as she rubbed Ida's specially designed hair formula into her scalp. It was full of liquid silver nitrate and chlorine, and gave the appearance of naturally blue hair after a few months of using it.  
"Oh, c'mon now, he's not too bad…."  
"Not too bad? Ha! He's so bad that the first minute I get him alone, I'm going to first ring his neck, like the chicken he is. But not to the point that I break it. Oh no, no. I want him to feel the pain of when I yank every single hair out of his body by the root!"  
"Well then, we must make sure you two are never left alone then." Ida said dully as she flipped up her Tablet and began to click away at her keys.  
"You are moving to slow for me Ida. He needs to be dead."  
Tap, tap, tap  
The sounds of the keys clicking down soon become hypnotic as she typed, numbing her mood a bit.  
"Your forgetting the most important thing, dear friend." She answered calmly, but did look toward Maféia  
"Oh? and what might that be? Justice? Morals? Righteousness?" she said mockingly.  
Ida chuckled a bit under her breath dryly.  
"Not getting caught. And that's why this has to take time. "  
Ida could feel Maféia scowl behind her, but the girl said nothing. She knew that Ida was right.  
"So long as his days are numbered…." Maféia muttered as she turned to leave.


	7. Badminton and Yoga

Tips For When You Jump into The Deep

By: Forgotten Sunrise

**AN**: Again, Thanks to all that reviewed last and for all of you who answered the trivia question! More trivia might come later on. Also Happy late Birthday to Artemis Fowl!

_Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn- Anonymous _

**Chapter 6:** Badminton and Yoga

* * *

For the first week and a half, gym hadn't been so bad. There hadn't been a need to wear the standard issued navy-blue mesh shorts or the ugly grey gym tee. Coach Lee had spent the first week going over parliamentary things such as locks and what the class was for and what not. The half a week was spent in free time, so that the girls and boy could get to know each other better. Artemis could handle that.

What he couldn't handle was actually _playing_ the game, and after one week of playing, he decided to quit. It was truly beyond him as to why some idiot in the school board would want him to waste time smacking a birdie around. But the Board of Education never made sense anyways. Badminton, simply was a pointless game, and he'd much rather spend his time talking with Holly.

But his skipping days were short lived. People began to notice his absences and Juliet could only cover for him for so long.

"We just started this bloody quarter and already you have seven absences! What's the big idea mate?" Roger demanded as he entered their dorm room after his fifth period.

"Relax Roger; it's just a bit of skipping. No harm done." Artemis spoke easily as he flipped through the pages of Sun Tzus 'The Art of War' for the ninth time that day.

"No harm done?" Roger sighed and plopped down on top of his bed, opposite of Artemis.

"Off the record, I'm the one who said the skipping can be therapeutic. That said, a week missed right off the bat? As your student Governor, but also as your mate, I'm going to need to intervene. Because it would suck big balls if you failed this year because you skipped too many days of Badminton."

Roger was right of course. And it wasn't everyday that Roger said something sensible. It was only wise to listen to him when he said something that actually made sense.

"Of course you're right, of course." Artemis said laying down his book. "Apologies, for any inconveniences I might have caused you. That class is just pointless to me. My time was much better spent here."

"Yah I know, I know. You probably would have had a more productive time at the library than at that class!" Roger laughed at this own joke. Artemis just raised his brow.

"Ah, well I guess there are things that you can do in there, like use the computer and sit in those nice chairs…Those chairs are so great…The point is, it doesn't matter how dull it is, you still have to show. Promise me that you'll go?"

"I'll be there right of the start of tomorrow."

"You had better, or I'll get Juliet to drag you there."

Artemis scowled at that. Roger and Juliet had been spending a lot of time together lately. Artemis didn't like it much. Roger could mess with any gir he wanted to, as far as Artemis was concered, so long as it wasn't Juliet. She was too close to him for him to see her heart get broken by Roger.

"Your Lit class starts in five Roger, You had better go before you're late."

"Actually, I'm skipping today. For therapeutic reasons."

Artemis just rolled his eyes and sighed. Typical Roger.

* * *

"It's about time boy! Where the hell have you been?" Coach Lee bellowed as Artemis entered the gym, clad in the navy mesh shorts and cotton tee.

"I hurt my wrist and Juliet refused to let me play under such a condition."

"Juliet? Why didn't you just say so boy! Okay, so that takes care of your attendance."

Coach Lee was yet another fan of Juliet.

"We still need to find you someone to play with. Lucky for us, David is out sick today, so you can play with Miss. Britva today."

"I can't do that Lee," Artemis said causally, "Anyone but her"

"Oh yes you can. She's only a girl after all. Even you can handle her. BRITVA! HERE, NOW!"

Coach Lee yelled to the other side of the gym. The blue haired girl whipped her hair around to see who was calling her. She first spotted Artemis, and gave him a lethal stare. Then she saw Coach and smiled wickedly before she gracefully skipped across the gym to them, racket in hand.

"Is he my partner today?" She asked ever so innocently.

"Sure is, Miss Britva. Why don't you two take the far left court huh?"

"I'd prefer the center court."

Maféia laughed lightly, but her eyes raged with passion.

"Why, so everyone can see me murder you on the gym floor?"

"That's precisely why." Artemis said evenly. Maféia narrowed her eyes at him her lips curled up, as if she was about to growl at him. But Coach Lee just laughed.

"Those were fighting words Fowl! Go show her what you got!" He said and shoved Artemis in his back before turning away. "Whip into shape for me Britva!"

"Will do!" Maféia shout back with a smile.

"Maféia, I know that you're angry at me. But really am I the one to-"

"Left coroner. Now." She said as pointed with her racket.

"Can we please just get a few things straight-"

"NOW!" for such a little girl, there was a lot of power behind her voice. And with the racket in her hand…There was no need for her to tell him again. There was no escaping his coming punishment. As slowly as she would allow, he made his way to the far left court.

"I said. Pick up. Your racket. Artemis." She said each world clearly, even thought her voice was laced with venom. He picked up his racket and held it weakly in front of him.

"Good. I don't want this to look like murder…"

"Murder? Ms. Britva, we really need to talk about-"

"Yes Murder. I'm going to wring your neck like the squawk you are Fowl. Pun intended.

"Maféia, we can be adult about this all-OW!"

Maféia had volleyed the first birdie right over the net and square into his face, hard.

"I told you to keep your racket up!"

It was then that Artemis saw the basket of birdies that Maféia had acquired. There were dozens of them in there. She grabbed one form the top, and her assault began. She was ble to fire off182 birdies at him before Coach Lee even notice what was happing. Artemis was able to fend of three of the incoming birds and she missed five. Even still, 174 birdies still made contact with him.

* * *

"This is just unacceptable, we cannot allow this!" Juliet yelled to Coach Lee, as she spotted over Artemis's buries with a damp towel. "I will _not _have my charge go back there. Look at him! He's bruised like a banana!"

"I assure you, Ms. Butler, as soon as I saw that he was being hurt, I took immediate action. But I'm sure Miss Britva just got carried away. She didn't mean him harm."

"I'm sure, but weather or not there was harm meant doesn't change a thing. He will be pulled from that class."

"Ms. Butler, he needs gym credit, and there is no other gym class. He could always sign up for a winter sport, but I doubt that he'd make the basket ball or wrestling team."

"Arty play basketball? Ha, I'd love to see that!" Roger said as he walked through the doors to their dorm. "Damn, you look bad! Artemis."

"Oh really? I haven't notice…" Artemis muttered weakly.

"What's the news form Guiney, Roger?" Juliet asked.

"The news is: Maféia has been given a day's suspension, and Artemis is still going to have do some physical activity that's moderated by someone with credentials in order to wave the gym class. The Board won't allow you Juliet to moderated him cause you might lie for him. But don't fret Arty boy! You have other options beside B-ball and wrestling!"

"And will you humor us with this option?" Artemis asked testily.

"Me? No, but Xia will."

Right on clue, Ida poked her head through the threshold, her curly brown hair framed her face, and scanned the group of people over before she popped into the room and crossed over to them.

"Dear God, what did she do to you?" Ida reached out to touch one of the many bruises, but Juliet moved quickly and blocked her form doing so by reaching over Artemis to tend to his other bruises. She gave Ida a pointed stare. Ida pulled her hand back, quick, as if she had just tried to touch something forbidden. This transaction of movements wasn't lost on Artemis.

"Juliet, Xia wasn't the one who hurt me. She is not responsible for Maféia's actions, or are you Ms. Perry?" Artemis asked as he gave her a small smile. Any talk before about him not wanting her near was out the window now. She had once again managed to worm her way back into his life, and he was finding that it wasn't so bad having her as a friend.

"No, I'm not her keeper." Juliet only relaxed by a bit.

"What is my other option, Xia?"

"Well, I'm certified to teach yoga, so if you'd like to practice with me, the Board would let that count. Mind you, yoga is an intense practice and I won't go easy on you just because we're friends."

"So long as you don't go as hard on me as Maféia."

"Humor is always a good sign of recovery." Ida smiled. "So you'll practice with me?"

"It's really my only option, all the other ones I didn't even consider."

"Sweet! It's a deal then!" Roger clapped his hands together. "Now to make it official, Coach Lee, I'm going to need you to sign this wavier-Xia already signed it- and Arty, you're going to have to sign at the bottom to say that you agree. Then we're all set. Tomorrow, your sixth period will be with Xia."

" Xia, don't you have sixth period? Can you just drop it?" Juliet asked.

"My sixth block is just for planning. But I find I do most of my planning over meal time, so I end up not doing anything, so this is going to be okay."

"Hmm, well after today I rather not leave Artemis alone with you. No offense, but you are Britva's close friend."

"I can understand that. Feel free to pop by whenever you want then! You're more than welcome to join us too."

"I'm taking that as an open invite Xia." Juliet said warning as she pulled back form her protective hunch over Artemis. Roger flashed his trademarked smile at them all.

"Well, it's a date then! This is one gym class I bet you'll never skip!"

* * *

Review. NOW! You know you want too! :)

**Up next….**

"You did _what?_"

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the time but know judging by your reaction…"

"This is just about the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"Hey, now, that isn't nice, I did this for you!"

"You're an idiot."


	8. Unexpected

Chapter 7: Unexpected

**So chapter 7 has always been a bit of a hump for me to get over, but I got over it! I WILL finish this story! It will get done! I am also going back and re-editing the old chapters so everything will be nice and neat for you guys. Thanks for the lovely reviews and keep them coming!**

**Chapter 7:** Unexpected

_She didn't choose this role _

_But she'll play it and make it sincere _

_So you cry, you cry _

_Give me a break_

_--PANIC! At the Disco __**Time To Dance**_

"You look horrible Artemis!" Holly exclaimed as she lightly picked Artemis's right arm up between two fingers. She had taken a shuttle up to the surface to discuss wedding plans with Artemis, only to find him covered in angry blackish, purple bruises.

"What happened to you?"

"Ms. Britva was my gym partner today." He stated plainly. He needn't say more.

"Oh Artemis," Holly sighed and rested both palms face down on his skin. Blue sparks jumped from her finger tips and danced on the surface of his pale skin, healing him in seconds. All that was left was soreness. "Why didn't you just heal yourself?" She asked when she was done.

"I don't have anymore magic in me. Remember?" Artemis said sitting up slowly from his bed and flexed his muscles a bit. "Thank you, for the healing Holly."

She elfin women just laughed.

"No problem, Artemis. But once you have the magic, you never loose it; you just need to do the Ritual."

"I'm human Holly, it won't work for me."

"Of course it will. There's a full moon tomorrow night, and there's a lovely patch of earth right outside the gates." Holly stated casually as she pulled a big white book from a bag she always brought with her now-a-days, and laid it on top of his covers. "Now, are you ready to talk wedding plans or not? I want you to be my maid of honour."

"Holly, I'm touched, really. But that's a women's job."

"No, Mud Boy, it's the job of the bride's best friend."

Artemis was silent for a bit, but a slight smile crept upon his face. He could only picture himself dressed in purple along side all the other bride's maids in frilly dresses.

"Once more, Holly, thank you. It's an honour, to be called your best friend. But speaking as your best friend, I still don't think that you're ready to get married."

The brunette rolled her eyes like an expert and place a tiny fist on her hip.

"Let's not go through this again. I don't want to leave you with more bruise than what you had before I came. Right, so down to business now. We've decided to have the reception at the LEP Plaza in Haven City."

"We're not going to just drop this subject Holly. You never talked to me before about marrying him before. Why now? What's the rush?"

Holly bit her full lips and ran her hand finger through her auburn hair in a nervous way. It grew longer and longer each time Artemis saw her. Her eyes, hazels brown and cobalt blue, were lost in her own mist, lost in the depths of her mind. It was a long moment before she resurfaced, and spoke.

"Well, time travel really does a number on your body," She began, but she kept her head turned towards the window, peering at the birds as they flew from tree to tree. "I though it was all the time jumping we were doing that had stopped my period."

"It's very likely. The time vortex suspense ones growth, thus it's safe to assume that it messes with your menstrual cycle as well. We've only been in this present realm of time for two months. Your body just needs time to get back into the swing of things."

"That what I originally thought, but, Artemis, I've been getting sick, eating a lot more than normal, and the smells! Everything smells! It gives me migraines!"

"Holly….I'm sure this is just some side effect of the vortex…I mean…You're not…You're not pregnant. These symptoms don't show up until about three months afterwards. Unless you're saying it's different for the fairy folk, but I'm assuming not."

"The vortex suspense growth, you said that Artemis. I was pregnant before we jump off TeiPei101. Time travel has slowed down the effects by years, but now… Now the baby is back on track …Nº1 told me that she's due in March."

Artemis nodded taking all of this in. This news was anything but expected. He grip the tiny women by her shoulder and offered her a quick warm hug.

"So this is a shotgun wedding. I see now." He said with a sigh. "Now the rush makes sense. Please know that I think of you as no different as I did just a few moments ago, other than the fact that you are now nuts and one of the bravest women I know. So do you two have a final date yet for the wedding?"

Holly smiled wildly, and opened the big white book, that was almost as big as her body's frame.

"Yes, on Valentine's day. Oh Artemis, I have so many ideas that we have to sort through! We're going to need Juliet in her eventually…"

Holly stayed for hours, going over everything from table settings to baby names. And although she and Artemis never had a relationship like this before, they couldn't help but feel like it was right. She truly was one of his most valued friends. And Holly was finally getting what she had always wanted most- a family. But Artemis still couldn't shake the feeling that there was a curse somewhere hidden in this little miracle of hers.

* * *

"Hey Artemis!" Nathan Smith exclaimed as Artemis and Juliet entered the dinning hall the next morning. "You're just the man I've been dying to speak too!"

Artemis raised a pale brow but said nothing as he sat down at the table. David, Roger's oldest friend and Maféia's boyfriend, was also at the table. He looked down timidly as Juliet took a seat to his right.

"About yesterday, Artemis…I'm so sorry, I shoulda been there, to clam her down ya know? You okay?" David asked.

"Yah, yah, he's fine David. He lived right?" Nathan cut in before Artemis could answer.

"But Artemis, I heard that you aren't taking gym anymore. That Xia was going to train you or something?"

"Just for the semester," Said the melodic, soprano voice that belonged to Ida, as she smoothly slide into a chair between Nathan and Artemis. "And only for this circumstance. I can't have anymore 'students'."

"Oh," Nathan said and his face fell a bit. Ida gave him a small smile then turned to Artemis.

"And how are you this morning?"

"A bit better."

"A bit? You've healed right up, I can't see one buries on you! Juliet, you're a miracle worker!" Juliet bit out a slight smile, but she knew where the credit was due.

"Thanks Xia, but I couldn't have my charge looking half dead. It's bad for my image."

Ida laughed lightly.

"Indeed. Well anyways I just wanted to tell Artemis, to meet me in the Rec Hall at the beginning of 6th period. I'll see you all later ok?"

"Oh whoa! Wait a minute there Xia, where's the fire?" Nathan asked, catching her arm as she got up to leave. "Stay and eat breakfast with us! And don't say it's too crowed either. Maféia and Roger aren't here."

"I'd rather not. There are things that I have to tend too."

"Like?" Nathan pressed.

"I actually don't see why she needs to be here Nathan. If it so pleases her to go, I say let her go." Artemis said while stirring the thing in front of him that was supposed oatmeal. Ida raised a thin brow but mouthed 'thank you' nonetheless.

"But Xia, you never stay for breakfast! Just this once, okay? Please?" Nathan did his best take of a sad puppy and failed horribly. Still, his efforts got him somewhere.

"Alright, fine, I'll eat here." Ida laughed at the sad sight and set back down. "So long as I'm here, I might as well campaign for the formal, so I had better see you all there. Including you Mr. Fowl. Who are you escorting?"

"I'm not going to the dance."

"Well why not? With joint efforts from both schools, this dance is going to be the best yet. You don't even have to dance; you'll still have fun."

"I have other plans for that night."

"Oh?" It wasn't a question; she was demeaning in a polite way for him to explain himself. Luckily, Nathan jumped in for him.

"Who do you think is going to ask you Xia?" Nathan peeped up. Xia, however just rolled her brown eyes.

"Just about every boy in the school, like always. You included."

Nathan's face went beat red.

"I…um…well, Xia, you know you're really-"

"It's a yes. You can pick me up at 7."

Nathan let out the breath he'd been holding in and smiled widely. A peg of jealousy ran through Artemis, but quickly dropped. He wasn't going to the dance anyways and it was just a pity date, he was sure.

"Sweet, awesome!" Nathan cheered in a way that would make you think he won the lottery. "Okay I'll be there at 7 and not a minute late!"

"Wonderful, I look forward to it." Ida said apathetically.

Nathan was getting ready to say something more, but then all the commotion of the dinning hall faded into low hushes as everyone turned around, pointing and staring at Roger, who just walked in. He carried with him a bouquet a dozen roses in his right hand. Six white, three pink and three yellow, her favourite colours. In his left hand, he had a bunch of red and white balloons with a big heart shaped one in the middle, and a shinny red bag. He made his was over to the dinning table where his friends where and Ida smiled. She knew what was up. Everyone else just stared in awe.

"Hey, Artemis, David. Do me a quick favour and hold this stuff for me ok?" He said as he passed Artemis the flowers and David the balloons. Then he pulled from the shinny red bag a pink and white fuzzy teddy bear, and got down on one knee, holding the bear close to his chest.

"Shakespeare wore a whole bunch of beautiful words. But perhaps, the most beautiful of all was 'Juliet'. And quite frankly, I want to be your Romeo. Being honest with myself, I know I could never protect you, but I still wanna try. I want to be the one who make you happy when you're sad, the one who makes you laugh when you're mad-"

"Roger this is not a wedding proposal…" Artemis muttered.

"Arty, shut up and let him finish, I enjoy being flattered." Juliet replied simple "Now, go on and continue Roger."

"Like I was saying, Juliet, I think I'm in love with you. But if I'm to get into relationship with you, I wanna do it right. Juliet-" he pressed a tiny button on the teddy bears paw and his voice came out through tiny speakers "Will you go to the dance with me?"

Besides Artemis, everyone in the dinning hall was amazed at the performance Roger put on. Juliet squealed and hugged Roger tightly and pecked him on the cheek.

"I'm not saying yes to a relationship; we'll see about that in time, but I'd love to go to the dance with you!"

The entire dinning hall erupted in cheers and whistles. Roger smiled wildly and held her hand tightly.

"Well that makes two couple paired for the dance then!"

"Oh so you already knew that Xia and Nathan were going to go together?" Juliet asked.

Roger looked shocked by that information.

"Xia, you're going with Nathan? Oh, wow okay, then I guess we have three official pairing then. I was talking about Artemis and Minerva."

"As in Paradizo? Artemis, I thought you weren't going?" Hurt burned in her eyes, but only for a second.

"I can assure you, I'm not. Roger what are you talking about?"

"Well I told Minerva that you wanted to go to the dance with her."

"You did _what?_"

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now judging by your reaction…"

"This is just about the stupidest thing you've ever done."

"Hey, now, that isn't nice, I did this for you!"

"You're an idiot."

"No, I'm not. You obviously like the girl, I just kick-started things."

"Oh, excuses me, I forgot I have to work on the ballot design for the Homecoming queen and king vote. See you all in class." Ida blurted as she began to get up again.

"What? Xia you haven't even eaten yet!" Nathan declared

"Those ballots can wait until later Xia, Come on and stay." Roger waved her back lazily.

"I don't have my prep period anymore remember? Plus, I want to get them out early. See you." She said smoothly and then left the table, making a quick bee-line to the door.

"Oh Artemis, you're right. I am an idiot. I forgot that Xia and Minerva don't like each other! Now Xia is going to be pissy all week…"

"Roger, _I_ don't like Minerva."

"Well then, it looks like we have a bit of a problem here then doesn't it?"

* * *

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**Next time….**

"She is absolutely, without a doubt, the most horrible person I've ever met!" Ida stormed in a way Artemis had never seen before. "She forced me out of my home, and jeopardized my life! All over a fucking science competition we were in when I was nine! So, Artemis, tell me; now that you 'know' me, are you afraid too?" she asked, looking at him with a cool glare.

Artemis was just able to keep his wits about him, but his eyes gave nothing away.

"Why on earth would I be afraid of you?"


	9. It's Just A Name part I

Tips For When You Jump into the Deep

**AN: So I'll be hitting the 20k mark soon! Yah for me!! So far we're almost a ¼ of the way through so maybe I'll hit the 100k mark? I hope so. Anyways, this one is shorter than most of the other ones, sorry, however, more is to follow it soon. Also, this chapter and some of the other ones to follow is why I bumped the rating up to T. Please let me know what you think of the story so far, I take all suggestions and tips to heart : )**

* * *

**Chapter 8:** It's Just A Name part I

_O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?_

_Deny thy father and refuse thy name;_

_--Juliet Capulet, __**Romeo and Juliet**_

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You have to believe me; I really though that you did like her! I thought you were just playing hard to get!" Roger whispered his plea, as he and Artemis sat in o chem. The class was supposed to be working on a book assignment, but of course, no one was actually doing any work.

"Roger, you just don't go around telling people that someone likes them and is going to agree to date them without checking facts first."

"I said that I was sorry didn't I? By God Artemis, at least the chick is a hottie! You're acting as if she was ugly or completely untreatable to you or something…"

"Who's ugly and completely untreatable?" Mrs. Burner peeped in.

"No one," Artemis said quickly.

"Just this girl named Minerva in France that Artemis likes. But she's not ugly, that's for sure!" Roger countered casually. A small grunt could be heard form the front of the class. Artemis was sure that I was coming form Xia.

"I don't like Minerva." He stated and opened his textbook and tried to work. But Burner and Roger wouldn't give up.

"Sure you don't. Just like how you don't like sky blue." Mrs. Burner said snidely.

"The only reason my lab coat is sky blue is because the only other options you gave me were pink, purple, lime green, or an ugly tan."

"Artemis, it's really okay. In all honesty, I'm just happy that you found someone you like. For a minute there, I though you might be the first asexual human!"

"Haha! Me too!" someone in the back agreed. Roger just nodded his head, and a tint of red started to fill Artemis's cheeks. Teachers weren't supposed to act that way were they? This was one of many reasons why he hated organic chemistry.

Class didn't end nearly fast enough for Artemis, but when he did, he bolted out of the class doors, ignoring his teacher's will of 'Good luck!' and dragged Roger out with him.

Once Artemis had the cover of the white noise the crowd in the hall created, he turned to Roger.

"You said that Xia and Minerva hated each other? Why is that?" Artemis asked in a hushed voice so that no one could over hear them.

Roger took a deep breath and looked over his shoulder a few times to make sure that no one was listing to them.

"Long time ago, Xia went to Saint Mary's with Minerva. From what I've heard, they use to be cool with each other, but then in their sixth year, Xia out smarted her in some science project, I dunno, and received an honorary mention from York University. Minnie was pissed cause her project was basically the same as Xia's and because Xia was only nine at the time, making her the youngest to ever win a award that big. Minnie got jealous, so she did a little snooping in to Xia's past, and you would have never guessed what she found out! Xia's original last name was McGossicc! Can you believe that? Xia is a McGossicc! Anyways, soon after Minnie got a hold of that information, Xia had to transfer out and switched to Holy Names and moved in with me and the folks."

"So she's a descendent of the Italian Columbia mob family?"

"Yup, Yup. When Xia first came to stay with us, her caseworker made sure that we would never use her real last name with anything. Saying that it would put her and maybe us in danger."

"Who's her father?"

"Minnie couldn't figure that one out and nor could we. Xia doesn't know who he was and it wasn't on the birth certificate. Aunt Isola, never told my mom, so no one know. Aunt Isola never really got the chance to tell anyone though. She was killed when Xia was four, and after she died, Xia was shipped out to Italy."

Artemis let go of the breath that he didn't realize he was holding and relaxed all the built up tension in his body.

"Well then it's safe to say that Xia's father was not apart of the mob family. Had he been, they would have kept and trained her in Columbia. No, more likely, her parents were servants to them, and when they died, they felt as if Xia would be better off without them. Apparently, the theme of 'family' is really important to the F.A.R.K's leader, so he forced all of the members, even the servants, to change their last name to McGossicc."

"I think the idea of Xia being a mobster's daughter is hella tight though! Don't you?"

"As 'tight' as that thought may be, everything makes lot of sense now. Of course Xia hates Minerva; she put her in unnecessary danger. And of course Maféia and Xia are friends; If Xia's parent's worked for the McGossicc's the they probably helped the Britva's too."

"Yah, but believing that Xia's a gangster is ten times cooler…"

"Alright, Roger. Whatever you say. Thanks you for the information." Artemis said as he began to walk away.

"Anytime!" Roger shouted out to him "Just keep what we said on the DL!"

* * *

He was excited to go to his sixth period, but dreaded it at the same time. He didn't like to admit it but, he_ liked_ being around Xia, and that's what made him dread being around her. Her personality was alluring to him, straight from the get-go, and she always managed to hook him, no matter how hard he tried to fight her off, she would weaken him down. Much like the way Holly or his Mother and even Juliet could, if the girl really tried.

The women must be a witch.

It was the only logical explanation that Artemis could think of. Because Artemis Fowl the II didn't just find himself feeling connected to people he barely knew anything about. Artemis Fowl the II didn't just open himself up to some girl just because she asked him to. Xia being a witch made perfect sense to Artemis. After all, he did believe in fairies, trolls, pixies, dwarfs and demon warlocks. So why not witches?

He made his way from his fifth period Lit. Philosophy class and down to the Recreation Hall where Xia said she would be waiting for him. As he open the door to the Rec Hall, a subtle hint of orange zest and vanilla filled his nose and the hypotonic beats of an Arabian tune danced the air. The girl certainly did know how to set a mood. He past the coat room and head straight to the billiard room, the only place the Rec Hall that would have been big enough for them both the practice. What awaited him there was a most beautiful sight. He had always known that Xia had a nice form to her, but I was always hidden under polo's and plaid skirts or sweats and printed tees. But there she seat, on her plush pink yoga mat in the lotus position. Her green camisole was modestly low, exposing just enough of her breast to make his mind wonder, and her matching yoga pants were low and tight to her hips, showing off her perfectly toned tummy and beautiful calves. All of her body was lean and toned, much like Holly's body, except for much sexier. Maybe it was because Xia was human. Part of him felt horrible for looking her over like that, but then again, Artemis was a teenaged boy, and he didn't tell her to dress that way. He greedily waited a few seconds more before he called her to attention.

"Xia?"

Ida gingerly opened an eye to see who it was then smiled widely.

"Glad to see you join me. I was wondering if you'd come. That mat over there is yours. Sit and meditate with me." She pointed to the dark green mat the was beside her, then closed her eyes once more.

Mediating was something that Artemis normally didn't have a problem with, but with his hormones rushing the way they were, he could keep his mind clear, or his eyes closed. He was only too grateful that she didn't have them meditate for long. After they (or better speaking, she) meditated, Ida re-introduced him to an array of introductory poses and movements like the Sun Salutations, Triangles, Warriors and Planks. Each pose she did showcased her body and flexibility in amazing new ways, and when it was Artemis's turn to perform them, she would place her hands on him, pushing, pulling and supporting him into the right position. This gym class was, by far, the best class he'd ever been in. He was almost sad when it was time to go.

"So why didn't you think that I would show?" Artemis asked casually as he rolled up his mat.

"Minerva doesn't like me, and seeing how you two are going out now, I just assumed that you'd take on the same perspective as she."

"I'm not going out with her, and I have no reason to not like you Xia. Sure, you've been a little too frank with me at times, but that just apart of your essence. Honestly, Minerva hasn't a right to dislike you either, she was just jealous and what she did was only out of spite."

He immediately knew that was the wrong thing to say. Ida's face became a blank slate, but her oak eyes became fiery.

"Oh really? And how do you know what she did?" She asked in a docile tone, but it was anything but.

"I have my source." He replied coolly to her.

"Of course you do. What else did your 'source' have to say, hmm?" Her tone was still relatively passives, but it was building strength, and Artemis cursed himself for being so stupid as to mention the subject at all Of course she wouldn't want anyone else to know.

"Xia, please don't get upset, I didn't mean to anger you. I was only just trying to show you that I understood and that Minerva was wrong for what she did to you. However, Minerva has changed. She's not so selfish anymore. I do believe if you talk to her, that you two can become congenial once more."

"Congenial?" Ida almost choked. She could have laughed at that idea. "She is absolutely, without a doubt, the most horrible person I've ever met!" Ida stormed in a way Artemis had never seen before. "She forced me out of my home, and jeopardized my life! All over a fucking science competition we were in when I was nine! So, Artemis, tell me; now that you 'know' me, are you afraid too?" she asked, looking at him with a cool glare.

Artemis was just able to keep his wits about him, but his eyes gave nothing away.

"Why on earth would I be afraid of you?"

A sly smile, much like the one Roger wore crept upon her face.

"Because, I'm a McGossicc. And you have no idea how lethal I can be."

She had no idea what she was doing. No idea at all what she was doing to him inside. He smiled wickedly at some of the thoughts that raced through his mind.

"I'm pretty sure I have a good clue Xia."

She raised a thin brow but showed no other emotion.

"What is McGossicc, other than the fact that it's your last name? Just because your name after something doesn't mean you have any affiliations with it. I'm willing to take my bets up and say that I have nothing to fear from you."

"Well then," Ida started dully. "I'm glad to see you're the kind of man who likes to gamble. I'll see you tomorrow." She said as she walked out the billiard hall, leaving Artemis to himself to think.

What on earth had just happened between them?

* * *

**Review please ; )**

**Next up...**

"Fair enough. What are you're plans for tonight?" Ida asked causally as they continued to walk over to where the dorm buildings where. Artemis was thrown off a bit. Why was she asking him that? He raised a pale brow.

"Are you or aren't you going to answer my question?" She asked testily.

"I really hadn't planed anything much, but I'm confident that I'll find something to occupy my time, I'm sure."  
Ida nodded her head, a smile spreading across her face.

* * *


	10. Strictly Platonic

**AN:** Thank you to those of you who reviewed and to those of you out there who still like this story! I have not given up on this one for the more popular 'You Are What?!' This story is by far, my favourite! :) ANYWAYS, it's been long time since I posted so here is what happened last time: Artemis found out what Ida's real last name was, but he refuses to believe that she has any real relation to the hybrid Columbian/Italian mob family. He confronts her about it though and they end up arguing. Ida realize that she is going to have to kill him off soon!!! End of part one coming up soon!!!

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Chapter 9: **Strictly Platonic**

_I figured I'm part of his plans_

_But now I'm in his heart_

_I don't know where to start_

_-M2M- __**Dear Dairy**_

She was frustrated. How could Roger be so callous? She was sure that it was Roger who confided to Artemis as to what her real last name was and not Minerva. Minerva didn't know that she and Artemis were friends yet, but she would surely find out soon, and then all hell would break loose.

Ida wasn't the one for drama.

She would have to finish her task soon.

She sighed heavily and rested her head on the table, letting her curly brown locks cascade around her face.

"Um, cus?" Roger asked softly.

"What." Ida said pointedly.

"I'm really sorry. I know I fucked so much up lately, with inviting Minnie over here and then telling Arty your real last name and all, but it isn't all bad. Artemis can keep a secret. And he isn't afraid of you."

Ida knew all of that, but it didn't calm her down at all. She lifted her head and pushed the wild curls back out of her eyes.

"I have rented out the 131 club in Dublin for the dance; I just got conformation on it this morning. We have the build from 9 P.M to two o'clock. Also, I think a lot of people are going to get drunk, so I don't want them coming back to the school. I've made a hotel list for people to sign up." Roger frowned.

"You're still made at me aren't you?" He said, completely ignoring the logistical plan Ida was laying out before him. She rolled her eyes before taking her cousin's hand and squeezed it gently.

"Yes, of course I'm still mad at you. Really, I'm pissed. But unlike Minerva, you didn't do it to hurt me, so I'll have to forgive you." Ida offered her cousin a small smile. He was one of the few people she had ever loved, so there was no way she could stay mad at him, no matter what he did.

Roger squeezed her hand back and returned her smile.

"If it make you feel better, Artemis figured everything out already- Minerva has nothing else that she could possible tell him."

Ida froze as her heart skipped a beat and then another as her eyes widen. He figured her out? Impossible. There was nothing on the internet about her real identity other than the obituary of her mother's that listed her with her alias, Xia McGossicc and the only people who knew her and what she looked like were her immediate family and Maféia.

"Yah, he told me," Roger continued. "You're folks were just servant to the real McGossicc. That's why they let you go so easily when your mom died. Arty told me all about the family dynamic that McGossicc sets up and what not."

"Oh," Ida let out all the breath that she had been holding in. "Leave it to Artemis to figure that one out." She smiled to hide the last of her panic. "If only others were just as smart as him…"

"Honestly Xia, do you really want a world filled with Artemis Fowls?"

She stopped and pondered that question.

"You know Roger; I can't say that it would a bad world…just maybe an awkward one."

* * *

Artemis was somewhat surprised that Xia acted as if nothing happened during there first yoga secession. He attended her class the next day, expecting her to be somewhat aloof, but instead, he found her sitting on her pink mat in the lotus pose with more low-cut clothing that showed off her body. When he entered the billiard room, Xia opened one eye, smiled, and motion for him to join her. They went through all the motions they had the day before and when class was over, she rolled up her mat and tuned to him.

"So do you and Minerva plan to stay over your house, or have you come up with other arrangements?"

General conversation. Xia was definitely ignoring what happened the other day, Artemis noted. Obviously, it was a subject the girl rather forget, but that was just fine to Artemis.

"I don't know what you are talking about Xia."

The girl smiled brightly, and shook her head as she tucked her yoga mat under her arm and began walking off to the coat room to grab her jacket.

"For the dance silly, it doesn't end until two in the morning and many people aren't going to want to go so far to crash for the night. I need to make hotel reservations by tomorrow. So I was wondering where you two were going to stay?"

Artemis quickly followed after her.

"Minerva already made plans to stay elsewhere for the night, but I think I'm going to go home. I miss Beckett and Myles terribly, and my mother would be upset if I was in town and didn't stop by."

"Good to hear," Ida said, while grabbing her pea coat and sidling it on. "I'm sure the twins are going to be excited."

"What do you and Nathan plan to do for the night?"

Ida's face turned somewhat sour, and she shook her head, as if to clear it of a bad image.

"I hear you can keep secrets Fowl. Nathan Smith is just about getting on my last nerve. He stares at me all day with these goo-goo eyes and gets pissy whenever someone else even glances in my direction. He acts as if he owns me but you know what? He has never once asked me out. He's being a pansy."

Artemis chuckled a little as they walked out the Recreation Hall together and back towards the main building.

"Do you realize how many guys here feel that way about you Xia? You are undoubtedly the prettiest girl here; I'm sure all the males agree."

"Second to Juliet, Katherine, Maféia, Molly, Patty-"

"Second to none, Xia. You really don't see yourself in a correct light. You have a wonderful aura to you that's alluring and draws everyone one in. You're beautiful, both inside and out."

Ida stopped dead in her tracks. It was the second time that day she had frozen due to something Artemis said. This wasn't good at all.

"I just didn't hear you say that!" Her oak-wood eyes where widen, almost fearful, and her cheeks started to burn from all the blood pumping into them. Artemis smiled to, but he felt horrible inside. He hadn't meant to embarrass her nor did he mean to create another awkward moment between them.

"I can assure you that what I said was strictly platonic Xia. There is no need to fret; I won't become another Smith." Artemis felt no shame in saying that lie. His feelings for her were everything but platonic, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable either.

Ida smiled at him to let him know it was okay, but her eyes were searching his again, the way they offended did when she felt that he wasn't telling her all of something. He quickly turned away. If he didn't know what he was feeling, he didn't want her coming to her own conclusions.

"Your friends a probably waiting for you," Artemis spoke quickly. "It is Thursday after all."

Ida nodded once, still smiling.

"I see how it is," Her sly smile turned into an all out grin as she continued to peer at Artemis for a moment longer. "You didn't mean to say what you said out loud. Now you're embarrassed and trying to dismiss me."

"Not so," Artemis said smoothly, reveling nothing that would indicate his current mood. "I was merely stating that you might want to get ready, so you can go party with your friends. That was all. And why should I feel any embarrassment if what I sad was platonic?"

"Fair enough, I guess" Ida said, shrugging it off already. "What are you're plans for tonight?" She asked causally as they continued to walk over to where the dorm buildings where. Artemis was thrown off a bit. Why was she asking him that? Everybody knew that Artemis never did anything on weekend's start. He raised a pale brow.

"Are you or aren't you going to answer my question?" She asked testily.

"I hadn't planed anything much, but I'm confident that I'll find something to occupy my time, I'm sure."

Ida nodded her head, a smile spreading across her face.

"Well truth be told, I'm doing absolutely nothing this evening as well. So why don't we go and have a night out on the town eh?"

Had he heard her right?

Did she really just ask him to accompany her on an outing?

"Why are you asking me this?" He said after a few seconds.

"Because Maféia is busy with David, Roger with Juliet and I'm sure as hell not going to ask Nathan if he wants to hang out… If you don't want to, then that's fine, it was just that, well, I-"

"Of course I'll go with you." Artemis said quickly butting in. They arrived at Othello Hall, the dorm building the girls were housed in, and the pair stopped.

"Might I tell you not to feel obliged to do so."

"You can be assured that I don't."

Ida smiled widely, and gave Artemis a quick hug that left him feeling warm where they touched.

"I'll meet you at the main gates in about an hour then." She spoke softly, and then dashed off to her dorm, leaving Artemis to contemplate what the night would bring.

* * *

_**Next time…**_

"_It's a wonderful world, isn't it? And to think that we haven't even come close to find out what else is out there. We could co-exist with another race of intelligent beings right now and we'd never know it."_

_Artemis half chuckled at that. If only the girl knew that some of his closes friends where indeed of another race._


	11. The Package

**Tips for when you Jump into the Deep**

**By: **Forgotten Sunrise

**AN:** Sorry for the long wait. But with all my stories, they've been on hold for a while because my school work and work work backed up. And I'm the perfect students and employ before I'm a fanfiction author. Sorry. So here you are, chapter 10 to Tips for when you Jump into the Deep =]

* * *

_Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?_

_Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance_

_To look into your eyes and see you looking back_

_I'm sorry for blaming you_

_For everything I just couldn't do_

_And I've hurt myself_

_By hurting you_

_-Hurt, Christina Aguilera_

**Chapter 10:** Package

The one place everyone went to on the weekends was a small town on the Irish coast called Greystones, which was just off highway N-11 and only an hour or so drive away from the school. The small town that was bustling over with trinket stores, boutiques, and coffee and pastry shops was a teen paradise. So it wasn't surprising that Artemis didn't find the place particularly appealing.

"So, you've lived in Ireland all your life, but you never came here?" Ida asked him over a poppy-seeded muffin.

"What would be my need to? Everything here I can easily find back in Dublin." Artemis answered easily as he took another sip of the artisan earl grey. It was rare to find a place that made it as well as this. One point for the town.

"You're not going to lie to me and tell me that you don't like to explore, are you?"

"I do. I've seen more of the world then just about anyone else. I've been to all seven continents, visited just about every major city in this world, visited over a hundred museums easily and-"

"And what did you learn that couldn't be learned from any random book?" Ida question, as she stole another nibble from her poppy-seed, her oak eyes trained on his. Artemis pondered her question. What had he learned? They only trips he could think of where he learned something valuable were his trips underground to the realm of the fairy People, and he couldn't possible tell Xia about that.

"You see Artemis; I haven't been all over the world. Just the UK, France, Columbia, Italy, Morocco and Japan. And I haven't been to Tokyo or Rome or Pairs or Dar-el-Beida. But I've learned the art and the secret to ikebana in Sapporo. I picked up the best home-made Italian bread recipe in Anzio. I was taught classic dance in Vire and learned house to make a clay abode in Safi. I've lived with people in small towns, Artemis and I've learned their culture. Visiting a country is one thing, but to experience a culture is another." Ida said wisely.

"That was a very profound statement you just said there, Xia. Thought, admittidly, you are a very profound girl. You know, there was a time where I though of everything in business terms. If it wasn't making me money, then I didn't really give it much attention. But since the return of my father, I'm starting to appreciate this world a little more. And though I wasn't thinking along the lines of culture per-say, the rich beauty of this planet is something I'm itching to see more of."

Ida smiled warmly. It was getting harder and harder to kill this boy.

"It's a wonderful world, isn't it? And to think that we haven't even come close to find out what else is out there. We could co-exist with another race of intelligent beings right now and we'd never know it."

Artemis half chuckled at that. If only the girl knew that some of his closes friends where indeed of another race.

"Anything is possible." He said, finishing his tea. "What's next on your agenda of things to do while we're here?"

"Well, first, I have to go and pick up the voting ballots for Homecoming Queen and King." Ida said. "Let's hurry before everyone else get's here." She jumped up from her chair and pulled Artemis along.

School had only been out for three hours when they left the coffee shop, but already the tiny streets and side walks were filled with familiar faces. As the two made their way down the avenue, they were greeted with smiles and waves, (most of them were directed at Ida, because most didn't know how they were supposed to respond to Artemis presences.) and were left with soft whispers and murmurs in their ears.

"They're talking about us." Artemis said in a light tone.

"Of course they are. Looks like we're going to be big gossip when we get back to school. I hope that your new, and improved Minerva doesn't get jealous too easily, because this is bound to get back to her by the end of the night." Ida sated matter-of-factly, hiding her distain well.

Artemis chuckled a bit.

"All of this is ridiculous, really. Do you see them over there? Snapping up pictures of us, as if we're sneaking around."

"If I were them, I would too. You never went out during your first year. All the other guys in our year I met here in Greystone before our school burned. But I had to go to Saint Bartleby's to see you. And even just this year- we've been in school for just about a month now and this is the first time you've left. You are a walking abnormality amongst teenagers, Artemis. And to see _you_, hanging around out in _public,_ with _someone_? That's a site people are willing to pay to see. At least I'd pay to see it" She giggled.

"I'm not that bad. I do dine with people, and it's not like I haven't a life. It's just different from the life other people have."

"I know, I know" Ida said as she swung the door open to the stationary shop. She knew exactly what Artemis meant.

The tiny shop was filled from wall to wall with multi-coloured papers with very sort of design that could be imaged. However Ida ignored them, swiftly making her way to the front counter and rung the service bell. The with polities of smiles, she quickly conducted her business with the shopkeeper, who looked like a man who had seen too many bad days.

"It's always wonderful to see you, Ms. Perry, always a pleasure." The shopkeeper said with a ruseful smile.

"As with you John. Have you my ballots?"

"As always," John the shopkeeper bent down behind the counter and retrieved a brown packaged box and handed it over to Ida. "I check-double checked even- everything you'll need is in there. There's enough to carry you through."

For once, Ida's friendly smile waivered and was replaced with a snide smirk.

"Well it had better be. Could be disastrous else wise. Then I would have to come back."

John's smile was steady, but terror flashed through his eyes.

"Thanks, John. See you around!" Ida waved at him, her sweet lips curved into a kind smile once more.

She turned easily on her heels and headed out the tiny store towards her Rang Rover, tapping Artemis's shoulder, signaling him to follow suit.

Artemis hadn't missed the interaction between Xia and the shopkeeper, and he was beyond curious as to why the shopkeeper would be terrified of _Xia_. She stood under 5 foot, with a soft face and small body. She was the opposite of threatening.

But he couldn't deny that there was an undertone in the short conversation he had just bore witness to, some cryptic dual meaning.

What had just happen?

"You don't really like it here do you?" Ida said as she slid the package into the trunk of her SUV, pulling Artemis out of his thoughts.

"It's quite, bland to say the most." He said simply. His intuitions were still running ramped and he let curiosity take over him. "May I see what the ballots look like?"

Ida cocked her eyebrow slightly.

"Why? It's just like any other school ballot. Nothing fancy at all."

She was getting defensive. What was she hiding? Artemis shrugged and smiled at her.

"Oddly enough, I've never excised my democratic right to vote here at the school."

It was Ida's turn to smile now.

"Really? Take it you don't believe in popularity contest then huh?" She asked as she un-did the wrapping that covered the box.

"Maféia wanted to be the first one who saw them, but that's what she get for spending all her time with her boyfriend. There you go, Artemis." Ida said, stepping aside so he could pillage through the box.

It was full of neat stacks of burnished ruby envelopes. Artemis reached down and promptly picked one from the top and opened it.

Neatly, hand folded inside laid the ballots for Homecoming King and Queen. Artemis scanned it over quickly.

"I'm on the ballot?" He asked, slightly surprised that he was on there.

Ida nodded quickly before she turned to walk to the driver's seat.

"Why aren't you?" That was the most surprising thing of all to him. Xia was the most popular girl at school. Why didn't she make the finalist list for Homecoming Queen? And how did _he_ make the finalist list?

"I took my name off the ballot." She stated simply as she turned on the ignition to start up the car. Her expression for a few moments was solemn as if she was silently mourning. Artemis wondered why but decided better than to pursue it; his earlier intuition that told him something was array was wrong, so this too, he assumed, was just a misreading on his part.

"Well then, allow me to remove my name from the contest." He stated as he slid into her car. From the darkness in her eyes came light and from nowhere, her laugh reverberated off the walls of the car.

Artemis admired the sound and the glint of joy in her eyes. This is the way she should always be.

"No chance, Fowl! Your name stays. It's too late to change it anyways." She said as she sped off back towards Wicklow, back towards the school and tried to ignore all the camera phones that went up as they past.

Not that they minded, not really. Artemis was too busy contemplating what the next week would bring with Minerva and Xia being in the same enclosed space, and Ida was too busy thinking about what she had just done, and wishing that she could unseal Artemis's fate.


End file.
